Monii

ㅤㅤSINGER / SONGWRITER /STREAMERㅤ

♱ Mon-music / March 2025

I wanted to write down some of my favorite music from March! Focusing on songs that released this month, but also talking about stuff I've been listening to this month in general!Lil Nas X - HOTBOX / Holy mother of hooks and fun raps, I actually cannot get enough of this song. I have a tendency to replay songs over and over without a break, and this song is no exception - Actually it might be my most replayed song this month despite only being out for 4 days. I'm a super big fan of Lil Nas X, I think he is a great example of someone who has a very unique aesthetic yet produces mainstream style songs. I really like the fun lyrics in this song, there really is no reason to take it super seriously and he isn't trying to make a statement, it's just a good vibey song. I wish this song would go viral for his sake, but I don't think it will by it's trajectory.Marina - Butterfly / This song feels a lot like her older music and I really, really appreciate that. I like Marina's newer sound as well, but this classic Marina sound is just my favorite. The ethereal vocals layering in the prechorus are so classic Marina and spacious sound design really does something for me. I'm a bit reminded of Kerli's vocal style on the hook 'Yeah I'm a butterfly'.Electric Callboy - Elevator Operator / testJennie - Like JENNIE & Zen / testOther songs I loved this month:
Lady Gaga - ABRACADABRA
bbno$ - antidepressants
LE SSERAFIM - HOT
Adela - Machine Girl
Chappell Roan - The Giver
Solar - Honey
Paramore - I Caught Myself

Grief & Time.WARNING / This is a personal blog post. Please skip this if you are uncomfortable with topics of death or if you simply don’t want to know this much about my thoughts. That is ok. <3Truthfully, most days it feels like grief & regret consumes me fully, mentally & physically - but I think there is something beautiful in that between those painful moments, I have moments of true happiness and gratefulness everyday. Tonight, I think my mom would be proud of me.Most times, like tonight, there is no particular reason for me to feel at peace like this. It’s a peace that I’ve felt envelope me fully and then leave as quickly as I felt it come on. When that feeling of peace & acceptance leaves, the pain doesn’t come back instantly. In fact, I can never tell that it’s left at all at first. I wake up and I feel new again. The daunting thoughts that generally plague me about the things that have happened & the reality I'm left with, in terms of those I’ve lost, are gone. Then it will strike again. In fact, today it happened at the strangest time. I was waiting for my cat to be ready for pick-up from the vet. The appointment was not for anything serious & my mind felt at ease. I was just walking in the mall to kill time, window shopping after grabbing a bite to eat, then it felt like I’d been hit in the chest with the force of 10 tons. I felt my breath leave me and if someone told me that there was a gigantic hole missing from my chest, I would’ve believed them. It truly felt like that. I get that feeling every few days but, the past two months, it has come everyday. Multiple times a day. I can only assume it’s because my maternal grandmother just passed away. That death has been so difficult to deal with, because it felt like two people died - My grandma and my mother, a second time. The memories that my grandma hadn't finished sharing with me, went with her. I lost my last true connection with my mother that I had on this earth aside from myself. I wish so badly for this feeling to stop, but it doesn’t and I don’t think it will.Still, there is a beauty in this pain that I’m begging to get rid of. The fact that it haunts me so much means that there was an insurmountable amount of care, connection & love that has not died. How beautiful it is that I was loved so much. How beautiful it is that I now get happy when I see the traits of my mother, father and grandparents in my own features. I’ve accepted that this pain comes with the territory of life. A phrase I’ve grown to relate with more as I grow - “We cannot have good times without the bad.”I don’t really like the phrase “People only die when people stop talking about them.” Because there are so many souls who haven’t been spoken of in so long. I can’t believe that they. Just like them, I’ll go one day and no one will speak of me anymore. No one will speak of any of us. But I don’t - Rather, I can’t, let myself believe that we’d truly die then. These feelings, good and bad, I feel could transcend the boundaries of time, life & death. When the world ends and nothing is left, I have to believe that we still will be, in some way. I refuse to let myself believe anything other than that. That’s why even though I’ve recovered from being an idealist to a fault in daily life, I’ll always be an idealist at heart. Even though the thought of an afterlife in that sense is scientifically laughable to most, I still fully believe it.I find myself writing pages upon pages about this, but I always get sidetracked and endlessly talk in nonsensical loops - Wanting to cover every area of the feelings that losing someone so pivotal to anyone's life, their mother, and put them all into proper words. It gets so jumbled so easily. I mean, how can someone properly collect their thoughts on this? I wonder a lot if as I get older I’ll be able to compartmentalize it and put it into words properly. Honestly? Doubtful. Maybe it’s better that way, though. I’m not even sure if sharing this publicly is the ‘right’ thing to do but I’ve, as a person, always wanted people who are struggling with similar things to connect with my words. Not in a way that anyone views me as someone to aspire to think like, but in a way that someone may find that they are not alone in their grief. So often it feels like you may very well be the only one in such a dark mourning. Especially when it’s a loss that isn’t recent, I feel that isn’t spoken about enough. People tend to think that they should hide their sadness and loss after a certain period. Why should I hide my pain when it is so prevalent in my life? Why should anyone? That wound will never heal, it will continue to bleed me out until I take my last breath on this earth. But, still, talking about it lends itself to healing that wound, over & over.Even if your wound is old, even if that wound is still festering & so painful that you think you might die - Clean it & dress it. Over and over and over. Heal it even if the wound will just open up again the next minute and be thankful that you have the opportunity to do so. That is what life is.Thank you for listening. Even if no one reads this at all, I’m thankful that I could write it.________________________________My eyes that were once blue and clear are now just the same as yours were. With so many different hues & experiences. I see you in me. Thank you, mom.

♱ Music

Music has always been a driving force in my life. When my own feelings felt too much to explain, the artists that molded me into who I am took over and allowed me to express them. Becoming a songwriter and musician myself, their art and genius has helped curate my own style. Here are some of the artists that molded me into who I am not only as a creator myself, but as a person.Paramore / Following my through my life from my early childhood to the perils and struggles of adulthood, Paramore's discography has nearly always been a mirror to my own feelings. Sometimes metaphorical and other times straight-forward, the topic pool Paramore has covered in their lyrics has always called to me in a way no other artist has ever done. I simply don't have the words to explain the impact Paramore's music has had on me. The older I get, the more I cherish this band's discography and the creativity their music has nourished within me.
Favorite Tracks: Misguided Ghosts, Part II, Decode, 26, Turn It Off,f(x) / I was fortunate enough to be introduced to Korean pop music formally through the otherwordly works of f(x) when I was a young teenager. At the time, and even now, it felt like listening to f(x) was an entirely new way to experience music. While I had always grown up listening to more, for lack of a better word, depressing music, f(x) showed me that being creative could mesh with being wacky and fun. Utilizing production techniques and melody lines that seemed like they came from a different world, my own sound (and life, to be clear.) would be entirely different if I would have never stumbled across these five girls.
Favorite Tracks: Love, Butterfly, Red Light, Sweet Witches, Ice CreamMarina and the Diamonds / In those early years of teen-hood, when my emotions would often overcome me, I found myself searching endlessly for art and music that would match my feelings that were far too large for me to handle on my own. So, hunched over my laptop at the age of 13 as I scrolled through tumblr, I saw concept photos of Marina for her new 'Electra Heart' album. I was intrigued and upon listening to the album, I was instantly hooked. Her music transported me to a different plane of existence, especially at the time, due to her unique storytelling. Her often metaphorical verbiage and references resonated with me and surely attributed to my own style of lyricism.
Favorite Tracks: Teen Idle, Sex Yeah, Mowgli's RoadEminem / Admittedly, the most 'out there' pick for my biggest musical inspirations for those who don't know me. I grew up being raised, for the most part, by a single father. Being a little kid sitting in the passenger seat while my dad blasted all of his favorite music, particularly Eminem, Andre 3000 and other iconic 90's artists, of course I'd fall in love with it for life. Those days of cruising on the highway while rapping horribly along to Eminem's songs as my dad would quickly turn the volume down and then back up on the more crude curse words are some of my favorite memories of my life. On the other side of things, without going into much detail, even as a small child I related to Eminem's struggles in life he portrayed in his music more than I could've realized at the time. The older I grew the more I truly understood his words and, while I of course can't agree with every method he's used to vent his feelings over the years, appreciated the perspectives his music continues to give me. The raw emotion, insane lyricism, and realness he brings still makes me think even on the 10,000th listen to his songs. You just can't deny how fun his music tends to be.
Favorite Tracks: When I'm Gone, My Mom, White America, The Way I Am, Kill YouOther artists I love: Dosii / Red Velvet / Fleetwood Mac / SHINee / RM / Ashmute / BTS / Pink Panthress / Billie Eilish /

♱ Games

From being a socially inept teenager to a slightly less socially inept adult, video games have always played a huge role in shaping my interests and me as a person.I'll update this part later : )